


November Storm II

by annannette (fanetjuh), fanetjuh



Series: The Scorpio Races Festival - Tumblr [2]
Category: The Scorpio Races - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Disabled Character, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-01-27 23:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12592620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanetjuh/pseuds/annannette, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanetjuh/pseuds/fanetjuh
Summary: The last eleven months Hannah has experienced everything she could only dream of. She discovered freedom, she discovered independence and she built a life, all by herself. But, when she returns to the isle with her boyfriend Daniel she is confronted once again with all those limits she grew to hate so much. However, sometimes limits are only limits because we don’t allow ourselves to accept help from those who are more than willing to lend a hand.





	1. The Mainland

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Scorpio Races Festival 2017 hosted on tumblr

“Do I want to know what the fuck is taking you so long?” Daniel shook his head while he crossed his arms over his chest. Casually he leaned against one of the walls of the small bedroom and he let his eyes wander over the chaos surrounding Hannah.

“Packing was a lot easier when I didn’t have that much to pack.” Hannah bit on her tongue. She sat on the floor and carefully she folded her clothes and put them in a giant brown suitcase.

“Are you now complaining about the amount of stuff you’ve gathered in the last eleven months?” Daniel raised his eyebrows. “And here I thought that was one of the reasons you’re still with me.” He had a slight twinkle in his eyes and Hannah curled her lips up into a smile.

“You know that’s not true.” She kept on folding clothes and didn’t even look up when Daniel sat down next to her to help her. “I like you, I even would go as far as saying that I love you.” She placed a few boxershorts in the suitcase and grabbed a few pair of socks. “Your apartment is a little small, but I think that’s cozy.” She shrugged her shoulders and Daniel wrapped an arm around her waist before he pressed a soft kiss in her neck.

For a moment there was nothing but a comfortable silence while Hannah checked once more if everything she really needed was in her bag.

In a way it was weird to go back to the isle, even though she had lived there her entire life. Apart from her brother and mother she had not missed anyone. On the contrary. She had discovered a life here that was far better than anything she had ever dreamed of.

“Do your mom and Charlie know when we’ll arrive?” Daniel stood up before he kneeled down again to lift Hannah from the floor.

She nodded. “Yes, I called them a week ago and told them what ferry we’ll take.” She looked at her now packed bag. “I’m sure they’ll be waiting for us at the harbor.” Hannah reached for her messenger bag. “Do we have all our tickets? The tickets for the train? The tickets for the ferry?”

Daniel twirled her around, her feet not even touching the ground. “Do you really think I’d fucking forget to pack our tickets? Look, I’ve done this whole thing last year. I know what I need, okay?”

“It will be weird to be nothing but a visitor on the isle. It will even be weird to stay over at my own house.” Hannah giggled while she wrapped her arms around Daniel’s neck. “I’ve got them so much to tell and to show! I can’t wait to hear what they think about my new wheelchair and the beach wheels you’ve gotten me.”

“They better bloody love it, because trust me, that was a lot of money.” His nose brushed hers and then he pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “I hope you’ll be able to enjoy them to the fullest. Those beach wheels won’t be very useful over here, but…”

“I’m glad you bought them anyway. Thanks.” Hannah kissed him back and she closed her eyes.

Eleven months ago she had left Thisby to start a new life on the Mainland. She had not known where she would go exactly, she had not known what she was going to do here, but she had known that she would probably never forgive herself if she had not at least tried.

Within two weeks she had seen more amazing places than she could count already. After three months she had gotten a job at the local riding school as an instructor.

On the isle she had been poor Hannah, the girl in a wheelchair after a car accident. Over here she was Hannah, Daniel’s girlfriend who maybe couldn’t walk, but who did know how to ride a horse.

She wondered if Bud would come back this year. She wondered if he would still remember her. She wondered if maybe he would want to spend the month with her, even though she was not planning on riding him again.

The race had changed everything for her. It had helped her to become the person she was nowadays. It had ended all those years of solitude and boredom. It had started something that was now so much bigger than it was supposed to become. But it had also been dangerous.

Bud had almost drowned her during one of their training sessions. Both Bud and she had been far from undamaged after the race.

But last year she had absolutely nothing to lose. If she would have died, she would have died. But this year, she had everything to lose.

She had a boyfriend she loved more than she could put into words. She had a job, something she had never thought would happen. She had friends who didn’t treat her as a breakable little thing, but took her with them to the cinema or the zoo. She had a life now.

“I’m sure Bud will like them too.” Daniel whispered, his lips touching her ear while he did so. “I hope he’s warmed up a little towards Charlie and me though.” Daniel smiled and he tucked a strand of her long blond hair behind her ear. “I’m not really looking forward to lose a limb.”

“You won’t!” Hannah rolled her eyes. “Bud means well and I’m sure that he’ll listen if I explain him that there is no need to hurt any of you.” She tapped the tip of his nose.

“It’s a murderous waterhorse. I’m not so sure about that whole listening to you part.” Daniel raised his eyebrows. “I think I prefer your four legged friends here on the Mainland. I know that some of them can be damn well aggressive too, but not as bad as what I’ve seen that waterhorse of yours doing.”

Hannah shook her head for a moment. “Maybe that murderous waterhorse of mine didn’t survive the last eleven months. Or maybe he’s decided he’s not going anywhere near the beach this year. Maybe he’s not showing up at all.” She shrugged her shoulders and Daniel kept his arms tightly around her waist while he put her down.

“You’re afraid of that?” He let his forehead rest on hers.

“Maybe, a little bit. I missed him.”

“I’m sure he missed you too and is totally fine. We’re not traveling all the way to Thisby for nothing, do you hear me?”

“Fine, let’s go then.”


	2. The Ferry

“Can you see the isle already?” Daniel had his hands on Hannah’s shoulders and he squeezed them firmly. “It shouldn’t be long anymore.” He pressed a kiss on her long blond hair and Hannah took a deep breath.

“No, I don’t see Thisby yet.” Actually she hardly saw anything because of the mist surrounding the ferry. “But somehow I think I do feel Thisby.”

And not just Thisby. The maddened water crashed into the ferry. Dark clouds had gathered above their heads. The typical fall storms marking the beginning of the most important time of the year were slowly forming above the sea. Soon they would reach the island and with the arrival of the storm, the horses would rise from the water like they have never really left.

“We’ll be in time, I’m sure about it.” Daniel gave her another assuring squeeze. “I’m gonna get us some lunch, okay? I’ll be back in a bit.” He kissed her once more before he turned around to go inside.

Hannah kept her eyes on the horizon.

Thisby had been her home for as long as she could remember and still it didn’t feel like she was going home. Although she had left barely eleven months ago, it was as if Thisby was nothing but the place where her brother lived, where her mother waited for her and where her best friend would hopefully come and find her as soon as he could.

“You’re from the isle?” A stranger with long dark curls and his hands in the pockets of his jeans turned his head towards Hannah.

She let out a sigh. “I once was. I live on the mainland now.” She shrugged her shoulders. “We’re gonna visit my brother and mother.” She actually wanted to add Bud to the list too, but a part of her still doubted if he would really return, if he would really come and look for her, if he would really remember her.

“And the race, I assume?” The young man raised his eyebrows a little and Hannah nodded.

“It’s actually the only time of the year something interesting happens on the isle.” She bent her head and folded her hands in her lap. “Most of the time it’s quite a boring place.”

“I’ve heard nothing can compete to the race. Everything else can only look boring.” He grinned and Hannah smiled back at him.

Maybe other people would have defended the isle, the tradition of the race, the relatively peaceful lives they lead during the other eleven months of the year. Maybe other people were more tied to Thisby and it’s atmosphere.

But Hannah wasn’t. She was not even sure if she would have gone back if she had not promised Bud and her brother to do so.

She had not missed the isle during the last eleven months. She had been too busy with exploring a new world filled with possibilities instead of limitations. She had been too busy working and earning money instead of sitting at home and finding a hobby. She had been too busy being happy instead of longing for something she though she couldn’t have.

“The race is quite special, yes.” Hannah eventually nodded. “Don’t get too close to the horses though. They’re quite dangerous. You wouldn’t be the first tourist to lose a limb.”

And not the first islander too.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” The young man smiled. “You ever participated in the race?”

Hannah felt her lips curling up into a smile. “Yes, I did. Last year. I became fourteenth.”

“I’ve got…” Daniel walked towards them with a sandwich in each hand. “O, I see you’ve found someone to talk to?” He exchanged a glance with Hannah and Hannah nodded.

“He’s going to Thisby to watch the race. I’ve told him to be careful around the horses and to not lose a limb.”

Daniel smirked and he pressed one sandwich in her hand. “Her horse damaged someone’s shoulder beyond repair. But, to be fair, that someone was a fucking asshole.”

The young man smirked. “Don’t harass the horses. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows. “I’d say don’t harass their riders either. I mean, that was the whole bloody reason that horse attacked. I love this girl an awful lot, but somehow that horse loves her even more.”

“Will you race again this year?”

Hannah stuck her tongue between her lips. “No, this year I’m not gonna race. I did it once. I’ve got a lot less to win than to lose this time.” She unwrapped her sandwich and took a bite, but before she finished shewing she pushed herself up a little. “Thisby…” She placed the sandwich in her lap and curled her fingers around her wheels to roll herself a little closer towards the railing.

The isle looked even smaller than it had always felt from this distance. It was almost impossible to believe that all those people on this ferry were really going to that island as tourists. Some of them had probably put aside money for years to pay for the trip. With that money they could travel anywhere. Instead they traveled to an island that earned all its money in this one month, the month of the murderous water horses emerging from the sea.

Somewhere, invisible from this far away, her brother and mother were waiting for her. Maybe they were now looking at each other, telling the other that they could see the ferry, that Hannah was on board, that she would be home soon.

Hannah let out a deep sigh, but her lips curled up into a smile. Maybe she had not missed the isle. She had not missed her boredom. She had not missed all those times she had been told she couldn’t do something. But she had missed her mother and her brother. She had missed coming home and telling them everything.

One phone call a week had not been enough to tell all her stories. It had also not been enough to hear theirs.

What had Charlie been up to? What had he been doing? What did his life look like?

Hannah’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. She could ask them all her questions soon. She could tell them all her stories soon. She would be home soon.


	3. The Beach

Hannah tensed all her muscles while she stared at the shore. She squeezed her eyes to be able to focus on even the slightest movement in the far distance. She knew there would be more horses finding their way to the land. But she was only waiting for that one horse, that one horse that truly mattered.

And the more seconds passed, the faster her heart started beating in her chest.

She didn’t notice that her body was shivering, not used anymore to the cold wind blowing in her face ever since she had left the isle.

The adrenaline and excitement rushing through her veins managed to keep her warm. The adrenaline and excitement and the body warmth of her brother, sitting next to her with his hip pressed to hers.

Daniel had left, murmuring something about finding souvenirs and such, although he probably simply wanted to give her and Charlie some time and space, a moment for themselves.

Even though she had been away for eleven months, it was as if nothing had changed and Hannah wasn’t sure if she should be happy or sad about that. She and Charlie had always had an unique bond and she knew that all Charlie had ever done in his life was trying to make her happy.

His entire life had been about her. His entire life, even during the last eleven months when she had been away and living on the mainland, was still about her.

He had no exciting stories to tell. He had not made any new friends. He had not moved on.

Hannah couldn’t help feeling a little guilty about leaving him on his own, about not noticing that he was still waiting for her, about not encouraging him more to live his own life, to find out what he liked to do, to follow his heart, to maybe run into a boy who could fill the hole she had left.

It wasn’t too late yet.

She could still say all those things, she could still encourage him to move on. She hoped that maybe her stories had awoken something in him, some longing, some wishes, some itching.

But he was still sitting next to her, his hip pressed to hers, as if this was the only spot that really mattered to him. It was both the sweetest thing ever and a little suffocating.

Hannah had been the one holding him back. All those years, she had been the one indirectly forcing him to stay at home. She had not wanted to do so. She had not wanted to be that breakable little flower her mother and brother thought she was. But she had not wanted to be unthankful either.

Not after everything they had done for her. Not after everything they had given up for her.

“Charlie!” A slight movement in the far distance got her attention. “Look!” She pushed herself up a little to have a better look. “There are the first horses!” Quickly she curled her fingers around the iron of the hoops of her wheelchair.

This morning she had attached the special wheels, designed to ride the beach, and now those wheels would carry her towards the action, towards the horses, towards her horse.

She didn’t realize that she forgot that Charlie’s feet probably couldn’t keep up with her new wheelchair, but as soon as she realized that he was not running next to her, she looked over her shoulder with a bright smile on her face. “It’s nice to be back here.”

Charlie smiled back at her, although his smile wasn’t as bright as it used to be, although something about it was slightly different.

“Do you think Bud remembers us?” She stuck her tongue between her lips while she cocked her head and reached for her brother’s hand. “Most people who catch a good horse never let it go…” Her voice trembled a little.

What if Bud wouldn’t come back to her? What if he had forgotten about her? What if he had decided that visiting the island once was more than enough? What if he had moved on with his life?

“He’ll be there, I’m sure about that.” Charlie squeezed her hand, but it didn’t calm her nerves.

Nothing could probably calm her nerves. Nothing apart from Bud.

“What are you gonna do when he finds you again?” Charlie licked his lips and he seemed a little uncomfortable, as if a thought was plaguing his mind.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Enjoying his company for as long as he stays?” She had thought about locking him up, about hiring a box at one of the barns, about making sure he would always be there if she wanted to see him. But she also knew how much she had hated being locked up, being limited, being caged. She didn’t want to do that to anyone, and for sure not to a water horse who belonged in the sea. “Cuddle him until he has to leave again?” She swallowed, her voice sounding soft and dry instead of secure.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “You make him sound like a puppy!” He shook his head and Hannah couldn’t help grinning a little. “It’s a capall uisce. I know that capall uisce has never done anything to hurt you, but even Bud is dangerous.”

Hannah grinned and bit her lip while she bent her head. “I know he’s not a…” She stopped in the middle of her sentence and held her breath.

The brown horse that emerged from the sea saw her as soon as she saw him. He quickly started to walk towards her. His left hind was still limping a little, but he went faster and faster while he raced towards the girl that had believed in him when no one else had.

As soon as she could she wrapped her arms around him, touched his neck and eventually Charlie helped her to stand up so she could hug him more properly. “You’re as beautiful as I remember.” She pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and then she curled her lips up into a smile while her glance wandered over him. “It’s a pity we can’t see if you have gotten faster too.” She tightened her grip on him and let her head rest on his side while she closed her eyes.

The sounds of the isle, of the screaming horses, the yelling people, the chaos, it all faded away.

There was no Thisby, there were no other horse, there were no other people, there was no chaos.

There was only Bud and Hannah.


	4. Make a friend

“Those horses are indeed quite impressive.”

Hannah had her glance firmly on Charlie and Bud, racing back and forth over the beach accompanied by a boy she didn’t know. “I know.” She grinned when once more Bud seemed to race faster than Charlie liked and she shook her head when the stranger once more reached for the rains.

“I’ve seen more blood during the last few days than I’ve ever seen before in my life.”

Hannah raised her eyebrows slightly and eventually she turned her head to the stranger standing next to her wheelchair. She had parked herself on top of the cliff. She didn’t want Charlie to know that she was watching him, that she was keeping an eye on him. He already seemed nervous enough and she didn’t want to make it any worse. But her time with Bud was limited and she was not planning on being far away from him during the few weeks they had together.

“Is that your horse?” The stranger gestured at the beautiful brown horse and the somehow clumsy rider trying to control him. “It’s not a very good listener, isn’t it?”

“My brother is riding him this year. I talked him into it.” She shrugged her shoulders. “And actually it’s my brother who’s not a very good listener. I gave him all the important instructions, but he seems to have some trouble with the execution.”

The stranger grinned. “You put your brother on a murderous waterhorse and still you blame him for not being able to control it.” He held out his hand. “I’m Kit, by the way. I don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself yet.”

Hannah placed her hand in his and shook it firmly. “Hannah, Hannah Miller. And that over there are Charlie and Bud.” She pulled her hand back again and entwined her fingers in her laps. “And I’m not worried that Bud will hurt him. I asked him not to do so.”

“And the water horse is listening to you?” Kit raised his eyebrows, but Hannah nodded firmly.

“He does. I set him free last year, after our race. I didn’t want to lock him up, but he came back for me.” She smiled once more and she looked at her horse again. “See that slightly limping left hind?” She didn’t wait for Kit to answer, knowing all too wel that it was obvious, that everyone would see it, whether or not they knew anything about horses. “That’s the reason why no one wanted to have him last year. Just because he’s limping a little they thought he was worthless for the race.”

“He wasn’t. You became fourteenth, right?” Kit crossed his arms over his chest and Hannah nodded.

“I became fourteenth. We became fourteenth. I somehow hope that Charlie will learn how to control him, because I think Bud can do even better this year.” Hannah felt a weird feeling in her stomach while she said those words. Yes, she had little to win and a lot to lose, but what if Charlie would be faster than she had been?

What if he would indeed rank higher? What if he would maybe even win?

Would she be happy for him? Could she be happy for him? Or would she regret that she had not been riding her horse herself? Because even though Charlie was riding him now, she still saw Bud as her horse. She had been the one finding him, she had been the one believing in him, she had been the one training him and she had been the one finishing the race and not becoming last with him.

Kit coughed to clear his throat. “Where’s your husband? Boyfriend?” He changed the subject smoothly and Hannah looked over her shoulder.

“He’s doing some shopping for dinner. He promised my mom to help her. Normally I’d have gone with him to do the shopping together, but…” She stopped in the middle of her sentence. Here on the isle she couldn’t.

The hallways in the supermarket were too small for her wheelchair. Just like it had almost been impossible to go with her brother to the tavern to sign him up for the race, for the rider’s parade. The place had not only been crowded and people had refused to move aside. The tables had also been placed that close to each other that one of the bartenders had to move almost everything to help her through.

She was not used to not being able to go wherever she wanted to go anymore. She was not used to people having to move everything for her to fit through anymore. She was not used to depend on Daniel and her brother completely. And she hated it more than she could put into words. “I wanted to stare at Bud.” She didn’t want to say it out loud however either. She didn’t feel like admitting that this isle still was a cave, despite her new wheelchair and despite her fourteenth spot in the race from last year. And she didn’t feel like talking Thisby down any further.

It was no the isle’s fault. It was not the race’s fault. It was not the horses’ fault. There was a lot to hate about Thisby, but maybe there was also a lot to love.

For a moment Kit stared at the horse and the clumsy rider trying to control him. Then he turned his head back to Hannah. “Anything at the festival I should totally do and experience?” Another attempt to completely change the subject, as if he felt she was keeping something, wasn’t telling him the entire truth.

“The november cakes. Without a doubt.” She curled her lips up into a smile when she thought about last year, the first time she had actually tasted a warm fresh baked november cake because Daniel had bought her one. “You’ll probably have to find a sleeping bag to keep yourself warm while waiting for it, but I promise that it’s absolutely worth it.” She paused for a short moment. “Unless you have a cute lover who’s willing to wait for you in line.”

Kit curled his lips up into a smile. “You’ve found someone good there, didn’t you?”

Hannah nodded and smiled back at him. “I sure did.”


	5. The Scorpio Festival

“Look at him…” Hannah looked up and she curled her lips up into a smile. She couldn’t understand a word of what her brother was saying, but she knew it. She knew the words by hard. “He’s gonna do it. He’s really gonna do it.” She let out a deep breath and Daniel placed a hand on her shoulder.

They were surrounded by whispering, by talking, by screaming. Music filled the stormy air as if it attempted to chase the clouds away. The smell of honey and sugar made their stomachs growl, even though they had already eaten a few november cakes too many.

This was Thisby. This was the atmosphere that lured tourists to this isle even though it was not an official holiday. This was what people would talk about.

“Do you want another one of those damned things?” Daniel leaned towards her, his lips only a few inches away from her ear. “I know that the lines are probably fucking long, but those things are too good to be true.” He straightened his back again, but Hannah shook her head.

“No, no November cakes anymore.” She swallowed. “I just want you to stay with me.” She reached for his hand and pulled him closer towards her.

The longer she was in Thisby and the more she was reminded of all the places she couldn’t visit on her own, the more she longed for the mainland, for their apartment, for her work, for her horses, for being able to go to the supermarket with him, for being able to go to a restaurant with him, for being able to go to the cinema, for not being limited, for being free.

“I can’t wait to go home…” Hannah let out a deep sigh and she squeezed Daniel’s hand.

He squeezed back, but then he kept silent.

More and more riders were saying the magical words, were officially signing up for the race. From all those riders most of them would indeed compete on the first of November. Some of them would not be so lucky. They would either not survive the next days of training. Or they would end up that severely injured that racing was out of the question. That maybe they would never ever race again.

Hannah felt her chest moving up and down. Somehow she couldn’t understand why Thisby was so limiting, why there were stairs and thresholds everywhere, why the tables in bars and restaurants were too close to each other, why the roads were in such a bad shape.

For an isle known for its deathly horse race, they took little care of the damaged, the broken, the unlucky ones. They only took care of the winners of the race, it seemed.

“Do you mean your mother’s home here on the isle? Or our home?” Daniel spoke softly, as softly as he could without not being heard at all.

“Our home, Scotland.” Hannah leaned back in her chair.

Daniel curled one corner of his mouth up. “I’m glad you call it that.” He carefully sat down on her lap. His weight pressed on Hannah’s knees and he wrapped his arms around her neck. He maybe looked a little ridiculous, mostly because he was so tall and the wheelchair wasn’t exactly made to share, but in a way it was comfortable and nice.

Hannah grinned and she slid her arms around his waist. “How else should I call it?” She raised her eyebrows a little and she locked her glance with his. “If I had known what was waiting for me on the mainland, I would have left this isle years ago already…”

Daniel kept silent for a moment. “Things happen when they’re supposed to happen, I guess.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe you were ready to leave this place years ago already, but he wasn’t.” He nodded at Charlie, now sitting next to the burning fire with his hip pressed to Nicholas’. “And your mother for sure wasn’t.”

“It’s strange…” Hannah interrupted him, as if he had not said anything, as if this was only her telling him a story. “Now I’m back here and not participating in the race it all comes back.” She took a deep breath and licked her lips. “There are so many more things I can’t do than there are things I can do.”

Daniel didn’t answer. He used the back of his hand to touch her cheek and then he leaned in to kiss her lips. The kiss was soft and gentle. “I didn’t know the Hannah before the race, but…” He kissed her again and he used his thumb to wipe a tear from her eyes before it could roll down her cheek. “I’m sure there were still a lot of things she could do, just not the thing she wanted to do…”

Hannah cocked her head. “I could draw and paint and read and write.” She licked her lips. “But anything that involved me going out of the house was almost impossible.” She bent her head. “I don’t know what would have happened if I had not met Bud or you.”

“Something else would’ve crossed your path.” Daniel let out a deep sigh and his warm breath was warming the cold tip of her frozen nose. “Or someone else would’ve crossed your path.” He kissed her once more. “But I do believe that things happen for a reason, that they keep on happening for a reason. You met Bud for a reason, you met me for a reason and we came back here for a reason.”

“We came back for Charlie and mom…” Hannah paused for a moment. “And most of all for Bud.” She cocked her head. “I wish I could take them all with me, to the mainland. I wish I could show them my new world, the world that makes me happy.”

Daniel’s nose brushed hers. “I’m sure they’d love to see it, all of it.” He tucked a strand of her long blond hair behind her ear. “You know, there is even more world out there. More world I’d love to show you one day.” He stared at her. “And if your wheelchair can’t get there, I’ll carry you.”

“I don’t like to be carried.” Hannah sighed.

“I know. But I like carrying you. Charlie liked carrying you. I’m sure your mother wouldn’t have minded to carry you anywhere.” Daniel paused for a moment. “One of the reasons this isle feels so limiting, is because you hate being carried.”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “Are you now saying that I’m limiting myself by not allowing you or Charlie or mom to carry me?”

“Maybe a little, yes…” Daniel spoke softly. “It sucks that you can’t bloody get there on your own, but you can get there and we’re all willing to take you anywhere you wanna go.”

“Anywhere?” Hannah felt her heart racing in her chest, hammering against her ribs. “What about my bedroom? Tonight? When everyone is asleep?”

“You’re changing the subject.” Daniel shook his head. “But your bedroom when everyone’s asleep it is.”


	6. The Scarmouth Hotel

“There is someone I’d like you to meet.” Hannah parked her wheelchair in front of the Skarmouth Hotel. A few stairs lead towards the entrance and she let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know if he’s staying here. I think he does. I hope he does.”

“So, he doesn’t really know that you’re coming?” Daniel raised his eyebrows and he scratched the back of his neck. “What if he’s not here?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Then this will be a nice exercise in me allowing you to lift me up, because I’m not gonna get into that hotel otherwise.” Hannah rolled her eyes, but she wrapped her arms around Daniel’s neck while he lifted her up as if she didn’t weigh a thing. “What places in the world do you want to show me?”

Daniel climbed the few stairs and had his tongue between his lips while he watched where he was going to make sure they wouldn’t both fall down. “Paris, Venice, Rome, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Dublin, London, Berlin…” He stood still in the door opening and Hannah widened her eyes when she saw how busy and crowded the lobby of the hotel was.

She had never been here before. She had never tried to climb those stairs. She had never asked Charlie to carry her in here. Why would she? There had never been something here for her, but now she hoped to meet Kit and to invite him to visit a yard with them. She had never been to a yard before either, but if she was visiting Thisby as a tourist anyway, she wouldn’t want to miss this chance to change that.

“Hannah?” Kit stood up from one of the chairs and he gestured them to come over.

Daniel exchanged a short glance with Hannah, but Hannah nodded.

“What are you doing here? Did you take that tourist adventure too serious?” Kit moved a few chairs to make room for them and Daniel put Hannah down on one of the chairs and sat down on the one next to hers himself.

“I came here looking for you, actually.” Hannah crossed her legs and she placed her hands a little uncomfortably on her knees. “I wanted to officially introduce you to Daniel Whittemore, my boyfriend.” Hannah looked at Daniel and Daniel raised his eyebrows.

“You and that stranger from the boat became friends? When did that happen?” He held out his hand and waited until Kit shook it. “It’s nice to meet you again, I guess.”

Kit curled his lips up into a slight smile. He had a frown on his forehead and he wore a plaid shirt that clearly showed his trained muscles. “I’m Kit and I don’t meet angels that often.”

“Angels?” Daniel raised his eyebrows and stared at Hannah. “I’m not an angel, fucking hell, how can you even call me that?”

Hannah chuckled and her laugh echoed through the lobby. “You’re my angel.” She leaned towards him and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. “And I wanted to invite Kit to come with us to visit one of the barns.”

“The barns?” Daniel cocked his head. “Is that another one of those me carrying you around exercises?”

“Yes, it is.” Hannah nodded and she licked her lips while she turned her head towards Kit. “If he doesn’t carry me, I can’t get anywhere on this isle. I hate it, more than anything, but he thinks that it’s not the isle limiting me, but me because I don’t allow him to carry me.” Hannah rolled her eyes and she waited for Kit to say something, but Kit kept silent. “So, I let him carry me into this hotel. And if you come along, I’ll let him carry me around that barn too.”

“What happens at those barns, exactly?” Kit leaned back in his chair and when one of the maids walked past them he ordered three mugs filled with tea. “Is it part of the whole Thisby experience?”

“They say so.” Hannah raised her eyebrows. “I’ve never been there myself. Charlie never let me anywhere near those horses and I refused to let him carry me too.” She straightened her back and lifted her chin. “But now I want to see it. I want to see how they train their horses. I want to see how those horses behave when they’re not on the beach, close to the water.”

“Are you thinking about hiring a place for Bud?” Kit placed his ankle on his knee. “So he can be trained properly and not by your brother and that friend of his.”

Hannah hurried to shake her head. “No, I would never lock Bud up!” She raised her voice and she felt her cheeks heating up when a few heads around them turned towards her. “He’s an amazing horse, but…” She paused for a short moment. “Just like I belong on the mainland, where I can do anything I want, Bud belongs in the sea. The sea is his home, like Scotland is mine. I wouldn’t want to take that away from him.” And she couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else riding him either.

What if Bud would turn out to be aggressive towards everyone but her and Charlie? What if they would hurt him? What if they would force him to do something he didn’t want to do? What if Bud would try to escape and they would try to hold him back?

“He deserves to be free, just like me, just like my brother.” Hannah’s lips were forming a straight line and Daniel placed a hand on her upper leg. “It’s really just a bucket list thing. And it’s for sure a tourist at Thisby during the november races bucket list thing.” Hannah relaxed a little again and she curled her lips up into a smile. “So, are you coming with us, or not?”

“Yes, sounds great actually.” Kit nodded and he thanked the waiter when the mugs of tea were placed on the low table in between them. “When will we go?”

“Tomorrow.” Hannah tried to reach for her tea, but could barely touch the ear of the mug with the tips of her fingers. Without her needing to tell something Daniel reached for the mug and placed it in her hands. “They will be showing their best horses in the afternoon.”

“And you two will pick me up here?”

Hannah nodded.

“Sounds good to me. I’m already looking forward to it.”


	7. Visit a yard

Hannah had her arms around Daniel’s neck. Although she would never complain about being in his arms, it would be much more pleasant if she had not been forced to be in his arms, if the choice had been being carried or not and not visiting the yard or not.

“Where do you wanna go?” Daniel slowly turned around to give her the chance to let her eyes wander over everything there was to see.

Announcements of the program were plastered to the walls and poles. The cries of the horses echoed through the courtyard. Employees were running back and forth to make sure no one would end up hurt or worse. It was fascinating, but at the same time it was a reminder that the celebrated horses were dangerous and that one moment of not paying attention could end in a disaster.

“I’m fine with anything.” Kit shrugged his shoulders when Hannah let her glance rest on him. He had his hands in the pockets of his jeans and he seemed a little uncomfortable. Maybe he was a little too close to the horses, maybe it were the screams, maybe it were the bloodspots on the floor no one had managed to clean away completely.

“We can have a look at the stables first?” Hannah tightened her grip around Daniel’s neck. She knew that especially the stables were a dangerous place. She wasn’t even sure if they were supposed to go there, but she wanted to see the horses. She wanted to see them up close and not just from a distance.

“You have a very strange sense of self preservation.” Daniel shook his head, but he started walking anyway. He crossed the courtyard and ignored the kind volunteer who wanted to lead them to the tribune. Yet, no one seemed to stop him when he entered the stables.

Most of the stables were empty. The horses were preparing for the demonstration. Most likely they were running around somewhere, in an attempt to tire them a little so they wouldn’t cause any problems now it didn’t really matter.

In the far back however Hannah noticed a wonderful black and white horse.

She seemed calm, calmer than most water horses and especially calmer than the ones that are locked up far away from the see. In her cage she couldn’t even hear the waves crashing on the coast.

“I know what you’re thinking and we’re not fucking going there.” Daniel shook his head before Hannah could ask him anything. “You and Bud have that special bond thing, but you don’t have that with every horse. You’re not fucking going there.”

Hannah let out a deep sigh.

Last year she would have protested. She would have said something about not having anything to lose. She would have screamed that her body couldn’t get any worse than it already was. She would have yelled that she would rather be dead than being kept away from everything.

But even though she wanted to say all those things, she couldn’t. She had so much to lose. And maybe she couldn’t walk, but she could still use her arms and eat her own dinner and wash her own body. She was alive, more alive than she had ever been and ever felt and she didn’t want to give that up.

“What’s the worst thing those horses can do?” Kit still had his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He licked his lips while he looked at the horse. Even though she stood far away and behind iron bars, Kit kept on eying her as if he expected her to escape any moment now.

“They can kill you.” Hannah shrugged her shoulders. “Bud almost drowned me last year. He ran back into the sea and forgot that I was still on his back. He also ate Nate’s shoulders. I think the poor guy can’t use that arm anymore.” Hannah licked her lips. “Each year there are riders falling of the backs of their horses. Countless hoofs run over them until it’s impossible to recognize them. And their sharp teeth only need to pierce the wrong piece of skin and you lose that much blood that you’ll never wake up again.”

“This isle has gone completely nuts.” Daniel raised his eyebrows. “Normal people would try to stay away from those bloody monsters, but no, those people decide it would be fun to catch them, train them and race them.”

“Don’t we all have that fascination for danger?” Kit was still staring at the horse and slowly he walked a little closer towards her as if he wanted to have a better look at her. “Maybe we like the shivers rolling down our spine. Maybe we like the thought that our biggest succes can become our tragic end.”

Hannah thought about his words for a moment. “We all need a little danger in life, yes.” She paused for a second. “But I don’t need the same danger anymore as I needed last year.” She held her breath. “I was okay with probably dying last year. I’m not okay with dying this year.”

Kit didn’t react. Instead he walked even closer towards the horse, that close that it started to look restless.

“Maybe you shouldn’t get any closer…” Hannah spoke softly, but Kit didn’t listen. “Kit?” Hannah said his name, but he didn’t even look over his shoulder. “Kit, you really…” She couldn’t finish her sentence.

Just in time Kit could pull his hand back, the sharp teeth of the horse biting nothing but air instead of his flesh. “Next year I’ll return to Thisby.” Kit spoke firmly and he straightened his back. He stepped backwards though, away from the horse. “I don’t want to be a simple tourist. I want to race.”

“I wouldn’t promise anything like that before you’ve actually seen what that race looks like.” Daniel murmured and he tightened his grip on Hannah. “Those heroic stories about the winners and the huge amount of money they get are amazing, but trust me, there is a very ugly side to it.”

“The one where people either win or die.” Kit turned around and he locked his glance with Hannah. “Why are you really not racing again this year?”

Hannah looked at Daniel. “Because I’ve got something to lose. Last year the race was the highlight of my life, the best thing that could happen to me and it didn’t matter if there would be an after the race or not. This year, this year I want to return to the mainland. I have a life there. I have a future waiting for me and I like said future.”

“You raced and you won. Maybe not that huge amount of money. But you won him. You won a future.” Kit took a deep breath. “I want that too.”

Hannah wanted to ask him a thousand questions, but when she looked at him she realized he was not going to answer them.

He had his own story. One he would tell when the time was right.


	8. Sending a postcard

Hannah could barely keep her eyes open. Riding around the isle in her wheelchair was tiring, but it seemed that being carried around to visit yards was tiring too. She however wanted to finish the postcard she would send to her friend in Scotland before going to bed. Because of everything she had almost forgotten about the promise she had made and she didn’t want to risk her postcard not reaching her friends before Hannah would be back home already.

“Who are you writing to?” Charlie moved the chair next to her and sat down.

The last couple of days they had not seen each other that often. They greeted at breakfast and they wished each other goodnight in the evening and that was about it.

Hannah knew that it was a good sign.

Charlie was finally letting her go a little. Charlie was finally having something himself. Charlie was finally putting himself first. Maybe the handsome boy he was spending his time with made it easier for him to be away from his little sister even though she was so close now.

“I’m writing a letter to Katherine.” Hannah bit the back of her pen. “She’s one of the instructors at the riding school. She’s a great help, but she’s even better at finding ways so I can do things myself.” Hannah started with writing down the address, only to realize right afterwards that if she would now write the message she would turn this card into a big mess.

“Sounds nice.” Charlie leaned back in his chair while Hannah put the pen down. “You must have met a lot of people during the last eleven months.” He licked his lips. There was no judgment in his voice, but there wasn’t any enthusiasm or happiness in it either. “And here I thought that at some moment you would call to tell me that you wanted to come home.”

Hannah crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him for a moment. “You never told me that you were waiting for me to come home all this time.” Her shoulder brushed his and for a few minutes there was nothing but silence. “One of the reasons I left was to give you a life.” She cocked her head. “You did everything for me. You put everything aside for me. I didn’t want that anymore. Even if life on the mainland would have been crappy and horrible…” She swallowed. “I think I still wouldn’t have called you that I wanted to come back, because then everything would go back to normal. You would take care of me. Mom would take care of the both of us. I would be stuck in our house not doing the things I actually enjoy. You would be stuck watching me instead of going out there, meeting people, doing the things you love.”

“I’ve been taking care of you for that long that I don’t even know anymore what I love.” Charlie bit his lip and he bent his head. “I don’t know if I like reading. I don’t know if I like painting. I don’t know if I like anything else.”

“Do you enjoy riding Bud?” Hannah reached for his hand and squeezed it.

“Yes, I do. If he listens to me, that is.” Charlie rolled his eyes, but his lips curled up into a smirk. “It’s strange to have our own lives, you know.” He let out a deep breath and he squeezed her hand back. “It’s strange that someone else is now looking after you.”

“Daniel’s not looking after me.” Hannah interrupted him and hurried to shake her head. “Yes, he is allowed to carry me when I can’t get anywhere without his help, but he’s not looking after me. I am.” Hannah paused for a moment. “I’m in a wheelchair. My legs don’t function. And that means that I can’t do everything I want to do or that we have to adapt the circumstances a little or that Daniel has to carry me. But I can take care of my own. I can wash myself. I can cook my own food. I can do the grocery shopping all by myself. I have a job. I earn my own money.” She licked her lips. “I love him and I’m glad I met him and I wouldn’t want to live without him, but he’s not looking after me or taking care of me. Not more or less than I look after him and than I care about him.”

Charlie kept silent and just stared at her. “But you never felt like you were looking after me or after mom.” He didn’t state it as a question. He already knew the answer.

“I mostly felt like some sort of charity case, even though I wasn’t.” Hannah wanted to pull her hand back, but Charlie tightened his grip.

“I met someone.” He blurted the words out as if he was afraid that if he wouldn’t say them right now, he would end up not saying them at all. “Technically you met him too, but…”

“Richard?” Hannah curled her lips up into a smile and then she turned her face towards him. “That very handsome boy that charmingly introduced himself at the Scorpio Races festival? That boy you’ve been gushing about ever since you met him?”

Charlie’s cheeks started to blush, which was already an answer in itself. “I don’t know if it’s gonna last forever or for a few weeks or until the race is over, but he likes me too.” Charlie cocked his head a little. “Mom and I have been taking care of you for such a long time, but sometimes it felt like no one ever cared for me.” He bit his lip. “Richard does. He helps me with Bud, with this whole race adventure. He also wants to help me with figuring out what I like and want in my life.”

“He sounds great. You should invite him over for dinner some time.” Hannah felt the lights in her eyes twinkling. “And preferably before I leave this isle for another eleven months again.”

“Let’s not push it, Hannah.” Charlie rolled his eyes. “We know each other for barely a few weeks. Having dinner with my entire family, that goes a little too fast if you ask me.”

“Then come to the mainland together when you’re ready. Just for a week or so. It will be nice to see you more often than once a year.” Hannah softened her voice and Charlie squeezed his eyes.

“Maybe we can do that indeed. Mom and I actually planned on coming anyway. I will see if he wants to come along.”


	9. Souvenirs

Hannah had her fingers curled around the hoops of her wheels. She stared at the sea, at the sand and the horses running back and forth, some on full speed, but most of them not. She couldn’t bring herself to love this isle. She couldn’t bring herself to love it as much as she loved Scotland. But she did love the sea. And she did love the beach and she did love the horses. She did love those few parts of the isle that seemed free, that were free.

“A penny for your thoughts.” Daniel wrapped his arms around her while he kneeled down next to her wheelchair. Instead of looking at her however he followed her glance and stared at the sea, the sand and the horses.

“During the last eleven months I haven’t missed the island at all. But I do miss the sea, the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks when the clouds are gathering for a storm. I do miss the sand, covered in blood and trails of hoofs. And I do miss the horses, who are so scary and wonderful at the same time.” She took a deep breath and cocked her head. “It’s a pity I can’t take those things home with me.”

Daniel kept silent for a moment. He squeezed his eyes while another loud scream echoed through the salted air. “If you wanna take a piece of the sea and beach and horses home, I think I know a way.” He stood up and straightened his back. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back!” He disappeared without another word and Hannah let out a deep sigh.

A little girl, barely old enough to participate in the race, was thrown off of her horse and covered her head to make sure she wouldn’t end up dead already. In the far distance a horse and it’s rider disappeared into the blue water.

Hannah couldn’t see if the man let go in time. She hoped he would.

More than enough people would die between now and the end of the race. Maybe that little girl that couldn’t hold onto the rains for longer than five minutes. Maybe the man who’s horse tried to drown him. Maybe her brother, who still wondered once in a while what the hell he was actually doing.

Last year, when her mother had been angry because she had really wanted to participate in this race she had gotten angry. She had yelled, had said something about freedom, about not living anyway, about not being afraid of dying anymore.

This year she understood why her mother had tried to keep her from participating anyway. She didn’t want to tell Charlie, but she felt the fear now too, the fear that maybe this was the last time she would actually see him, the fear that maybe at the first of November he would die.

“Ready to collect our souvenirs?” Daniel interrupted her thoughts and he threw three small bottles in her lap.

The bottles were made of plastic and they had a bright white cap. They were barely larger than her thumb, but a smile spread across Hannah’s lips when she understood what they were for.

“Ready.” She nodded and she wanted to turn her wheels around to get a little closer to the shore, but Daniel grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“I’m not sure if those wheels are waterproof too.” He swallowed and he locked his glance with hers. “I know you still fucking hate it when I carry you, but can’t we act like this is some romantic moment all those girls dream about?” He raised his eyebrows a little and after a deep sigh Hannah put the bottles in her pockets and stretched out her arms.

“But only because I’m afraid the wheels aren’t waterproof and I don’t want to ruin them.” Hannah winked and she felt how Daniel’s hand slid around her waist before he lifted her up.

“So, if I ever ask you to marry me, you’re not gonna allow me to carry you over the threshold?” He smirked while he started to walk towards the maddened sea. “I was actually looking forward to that part. And the part afterwards.”

Hannah shook her head, but her lips curled up into a smile. “You won’t be able to carry me over the threshold at all, not even if I would allow you to do so.” She tapped the tip of his nose with her finger. “Because our house won’t have any thresholds.”

A chuckle escaped Daniel’s lips and he lifted Hannah a little higher so he could press a kiss on her nose. “My brave, independent, stubborn girl.” He murmured before he put her down as gently as he could. “How could anyone not love you?” He made sure to keep her stable while Hannah grabbed one of the bottles from her pocket.

Her fingers trembled a little while she filled the bottle with cold sea water. She knew that over time the color of the water would change. She knew that over time maybe even the smell of the water would change.

But it would always be water from the sea around Thisby.

Once she had assured herself that the cap wouldn’t leak she hid the bottle in her pocket again and she reached for another empty one. Once more she bent down while Daniel made sure her legs didn’t need to carry more weight than they could handle. This time she filled the bottle with sand, with dirty sand, with blooded sand, with sand from the beach of Thisby where murderous water horses raced each other, where people died on the first of November when they attempted to reach eternal glory and fame.

Once the bottle with sand was also safely tucked away in the pocket of her jacket Daniel lifted her up again, but instead of walking back to her wheelchair he stood still for a little longer. “I know you consider Scotland your home, but for me you’ll always be a girl of the isle.”

Hannah bit her lip. “A girl of the isle? Me? I don’t think so.” She shook her head, but Daniel shrugged his shoulders.

“I took the girl from the isle, but I didn’t take the isle out of the girl.” Daniel spoke softly. “And I don’t want to.” He stared at the endless sea of blue in front of him. “The buildings and the people aren’t the isle. But the storms are the isle. The passion is the isle. The danger is the isle.” He cocked his head. “You can move to Scotland or even further away, but you can never lose the parts of the isle you’re carrying with you.”


	10. Betting

“I can’t believe the race will be tomorrow already.” Hannah sat in her wheelchair. The cold November wind blew through her hair and she had her hands folded in her lap while she stared at the maddened sea and the furious horses riding alongside it.

All riders were putting their horses to a final test. For once they were actually trying to reach their maximum speed. For once they were actually trying to ride closer to the shore than they had ever been before. For once they were taking the risks they would have to take the next day too.

“From one to I might actually survive this, how ready are you?” Hannah turned her head towards her brother.

His cheeks were red after the last training he had just done. His chest was moving up and down rapidly while he was trying to catch his breath. “I don’t know…” Charlie bent his head and he tightened his grip on Bud’s rains.

Hannah would like to cuddle the horse, but right now she needed Bud to know that Charlie was his rider, that Charlie was the one in control and that Charlie was the one he was supposed to protect. She would cuddle with Bud after the race, if Charlie and Bud would both survive it.

“I’m planning on surviving it.” Charlie sat down in the sand next to her wheel. He curled his arms around his legs and his knees almost touched his chest. “I never started this race with the intention to die. I started it with the intention to live. Just like you did.”

Hannah smiled. “And what are you going to do after the race? Apart from working on making this relationship between you and Richard serious so you can come to the mainland with him soon?” She turned her head towards her brother.

“I don’t know yet. A little bit of everything.” Charlie shrugged his shoulders. “I’m gonna try out everything and then I’m gonna see what I want to do more often. Maybe I want to become a professional capall uisce trainer.” He winked. “Or I might become a famous book-reviewer.”

Hannah giggled. “If I would bet on someone for the race, I would bet on you and Bud.” She locked her glance with his for a moment. “You maybe had a rough start, but right now you’re doing pretty great. I’m sure you’ll be doing much greater tomorrow.”

“I don’t know.” Charlie looked away from her for a moment. “I don’t think winning is that important to me. I wanted to race to start a new life. Whether or not I finish and whether or not we win something, I accomplished that already.” He paused for a moment. “If Bud and I do better than you did last year, will you be mad at me?” Charlie cocked his head and he tightened his grip on his legs. “Will you regret not racing yourself?”

Hannah thought about that question for a moment. “Maybe…” She eventually whispered. “It’s always easy to regret not participating when it went well. But I’ve been in the middle of that race last year. I know how it is. I know how it feels. My legs were damaged. Bud was damaged. People died.” She licked her lips. “I would have loved to see if I could do better, but somehow I don’t want to take the risk of losing everything.”

“You’re happy now.” Charlie spoke softly.

“Yes, yes I am…” Hannah nodded. “I have a job, I have a boyfriend, we have a nice apartment, enough money to pay the rent and enjoy ourselves. I have a life.”

Charlie raised his eyebrows a little, but a smile brightened his face.

“If I race I might do better than I did last year. I might win. I might become second or third. I might get an awful lot of money.” She paused for a moment. “But I can also lose everything. I can lose an arm. I can lose my job. I can lose my life. I don’t think that small chance to get that glory outweighs the huge chance of losing everything I have.”

“I’m glad you’re saying this.” Charlie let his head rest on her knee. “It sounds different from what you said last year, where you felt like you had nothing to lose and everything to win.” He closed his eyes and Hannah let her hand go through his hair. “I like it.”

“I like it too.” Hannah shook her head. “Coming back to the isle has at least taught me one thing.” She pulled her hand back again. “Sometimes happiness is in small moments, small gestures, small wishes.” She licked her lips. “It doesn’t always have to be epic or big or grotesque. I don’t need a villa in California with an entire ranch and wine ranks.” She paused for a moment. “I’m happy with the small apartment we have now. I’m happy with the horses I get to ride and take care of on the riding school. I’m happy with visiting the cinema or a restaurant or a zoo once in a while. I’m happy with Daniel and him stealing kisses or offering to lift me up so I can get somewhere I can’t get on my own.”

“You’re happy with being lifted up?” Charlie dropped his jaw and straightened his back. “And I thought you hated it so much.”

“You’ve carried me around for years. I don’t hate it THAT much, it’s just…” Hannah weighed her words carefully, even though she knew they would probably come out blunt anyway. “I sometimes wish the world wouldn’t force you and Daniel to carry me around.” Hannah swallowed. “But I also realize that if you two don’t do it, I wouldn’t get to see those places. If you wouldn’t have carried me last year, I wouldn’t have been able to participate in the race at all.”

“You wouldn’t have gotten to the rock all by yourself…” Charlie murmured and once again he looked up so his glance could meet hers.

“Look, Scotland is great. I can get anywhere I want to go, but I know that there will come a moment that I want more, that I want to visit a special place…”

“Like Thisby?”

Hannah grinned. “Yes, like Thisby.” She nodded. “And I know that often the world is simply not wheelchair friendly. I can either not go to those places at all. Or I can let Daniel carry me. It’s not the choice I wanted, but it’s a choice.”

“You, Hannah Miller, are my inspiration.” Charlie stood up and pecked her cheek.

“And you, Charlie Miller, are mine.”


	11. Race Day

Hannah couldn’t say for sure which was worse. Last year she had been in the middle of the chaos on the beach, surrounded by murderous water horses. This year she was on the cliff, watching over the battlefield with her brother somewhere in the middle of it. Last year she had been in control of her own fate, she had been the one holding the reins, she had known if she would make it or not. This year she could only watch. She could only watch, hope and pray.

Her mother stood next to her on her left. She held on tight to Hannah’s hand and her lips were forming a straight line. Had she looked like this last year too? Had she grown years older watching the race last year too?

Hannah couldn’t help but regret a little that she had started all of this in the first place. If she had not found Bud last year, if she had not decided to race him, if she had not ended fourteenth in one of the deadliest races in the world, her brother Charlie wouldn’t not be trying the same thing now.

“How weird is it to be here and not there?” Daniel had his hands firmly on her shoulders. “You’re not seeing fucking much. Your pink last year was a lot easier to find than Charlie’s blue.” His voice was trembling a little.

Hannah curled her lips up into a nervous smile. She indeed didn’t see much, but she would recognize Bud anywhere and everywhere, no matter how far away he was. “He’s over there, next to that black mare.”

He was next to Richard.

“He’ll be fine.” She wasn’t sure if she was saying that to encourage her mom, to encourage Daniel or to encourage herself. Probably a little bit of everything.

Today was the first day of November, so today someone would die.

Ever since Hannah could remember that sentence had echoed all over the island all year long. Last year she could have been one of those people dying on the first of November. This year she could witness how her brother ended up bloodied on the beach or drowned in the sea.

Somehow the latter was way worse.

All her life Charlie had been there and maybe she had taken him for granted for too long. Maybe she should have told him more often that she was thankful for everything he had done. Maybe she should have called him more often, should have asked him how he was doing, should have actually listened to the answer.

In a way it was as if the race opened her eyes.

For eleven months she had been far away from him in Scotland. She had lived her life to the fullest, had been happier than she had ever been, but somehow she only realized now that she could lose Charlie, that it wasn’t certain that he would always be there, that he would always wait for her.

Today it could be a horse. Or the sea. Tomorrow it could be a car. Or maybe next week it could be an illness.

Hannah felt a shiver rolling down her spine and she squeezed her mother’s hand. Hannah knew what it was to lose someone, to lose her father. But when her father had died she had been barely four years old and too young to grasp the true impact of his death.

Her memories of her father were vague. She remembered a few things he had said, although she couldn’t say for sure if he had actually said them or if she had made it up or if someone else had simply told her too often that he had said it. She didn’t remember the color of his eyes, the shade of his brown hair, the way he smiled or how he moved.

Losing Charlie would be different. Losing Charlie would break her. Not physically, like the car accident had done, but mentally, which was maybe way worse.

“He’ll be fine.” She didn’t know why she repeated the words, but she simply needed to hear them again. Her voice was however trembling and for the first time she noticed how slow time could actually go.

Each second between now and the start would drive the horses more crazy. The sea was singing loudly in their ears, luring them back to where they belonged.

If Hannah listened closely she could hear the song too. Maybe Daniel had been right. There was a part of Thisby in her. The November song. The igniting fire. The longing for danger.

“He’s got Bud.” Daniel tightened his grip on her shoulders and his chin rested on her head. “Bud is not gonna want to say goodbye to you without Charlie. I’m sure he’ll take care of him.”

Hannah nodded, but she wasn’t afraid of what Bud would do. She knew that Bud wouldn’t drown her brother, because she had asked him not to. She knew that Bud wouldn’t throw her brother off his back in the midst of the race, because she had asked him not to. She knew that Bud had returned to Thisby for her and for the race.

Bud wanted to finish, with Charlie on his back. He wanted Hannah to be proud of them.

And she would be. But she was afraid of the other horses. She remembered what her own leg had looked like after the race, what damage Nate’s horse had done to her skin. She remembered the smell of blood, the lifeless bodies on the beach once the race was over.

Bud would take care of Charlie, but there was only so much Bud could do when other horses or riders were out there to hurt him.

“He’ll be fine.” Daniel whispered, his lips touching her ear and Hannah closed her eyes.

She didn’t know if she believed in a God, but right now she’d do everything for someone to hear her prayer, for someone watching over her brother, for someone keeping him safe. “He’ll be fine.” She repeated one more time before she flashed her eyes open.

The conversations on the cliff turned into silence. The smiles and excitement, turned into nervousness. Everyone here had his own reason to be here, to watch the race. And everyone had his own reasons to be afraid.

During the year there was only one thing that really mattered here on Thisby. The Race. And the race had just started.


	12. Home

During the race Hannah had gotten at least ten years older, but as soon as the beach was more or less safe again she rushed towards her brother, the man who’s life he had saved and most of all her horse. “I’m so proud of you, Bud.” She had her arms wrapped around Bud’s neck. “I’m so proud of both of you.” She took a deep breath.

The smell of the November sea and the blooded sand filled her nose. The screaming of those who lost someone today echoed all around her. The cold wind blew in her face.

This was Thisby and even though it wasn’t her home anymore, she knew that she could never leave it completely behind either.

“Hannah?” Daniel cleared his throat and Hannah opened her eyes again. He had his hands on the handlebars of her wheelchair. His knuckles were pale white, drained of all color.

“Yes?” Hannah licked her lips. She knew that within a few minutes Bud would disappear again. She also knew that he’d come back next year and the year after and the year after. A smile spread across her face. She’d be back too. She’d be back next year, and the year after and the year after.

To visit her brother. To visit her horse. To visit the race. To visit the part of her she both loved and hated.

“Bud, I know that this is your time with her and such, but…” Daniel walked around the wheelchair and his bright blue eyes stared straight into Hannah’s. “I really wanted to ask this with you here and I wasn’t gonna wait a whole fucking year to do so.”

Hannah held her breath. Her heart was racing in her chest and her eyes widened when Daniel sat down on one knee in front of her.

“Hannah Miller…” He coughed. His pants were already getting dirty, but he didn’t seem to mind, he didn’t even seem to notice. “A year ago I came here for the race, but I found something else, something more important, something way more beautiful.” He swallowed. “You’re the one who makes coming home pleasure instead of torture. You’re the one making me see the world through different eyes. You’re my ray of sunshine and the reason I’m happy to wake up each and every morning.”

Hannah licked her dry lips and she folded her sweating hands in her lap.

“I know that we’ve only met a year ago and that a life can be quite long. But we both know that life can be fucking short too and I don’t wanna take the risk that I’ll be too late with this question.” He put his hand in his pocket and grabbed a small black box, one of the expensive kind. “Hannah Miller, will you please give me, Daniel Whittemore, your hand in marriage?”

Hannah nodded before she was capable of saying anything. Tears rolled down her cheeks, tears of the good kind, tears of happiness and she reached for his hands. “Yes!” Her voice cracked, but she repeated the word again and again until she knew for sure that Daniel, Charlie, Richard, Bud and everyone else on the beach had heard it. “A thousand times yes!”

Daniel smiled a bright smile and carefully he took the ring between his thumb and finger. His free hand grabbed hers and even though her hands were ice and ice cold he had a little trouble to slide the ring around her finger. “I’m sorry, I’m really sure it’s the right size.”

“I know.” Hannah nodded and took a few deep breaths. She smiled when the ring eventually moved and she wrapped her arms around Daniel’s neck.

With his arms firmly around her waist Daniel lifted her up and twirled her around. “You have no idea how damn happy you just made me.”

Hannah’s nose brushed his and she whispered. “I do, trust me, I absolutely do.” She kissed his lips and forgot, even if it was just for a few short seconds, that Bud, Charlie and Richard were still there.

Until Bud neighed and pressed his nose in Hannah’s back as if he wanted to remind her that he would leave, that he would disappear into the ocean again.

“It’s alright, Bud.” Hannah rolled her eyes while Daniel put her down in her wheelchair again. “I promise that you can be there on the wedding.” She placed her hand in Bud’s neck and looked up at the horse. “It’s tradition to marry in the girl’s hometown, right?” She spoke softly and buried her nose in his manes. “Did you really think I’d do this without you?”

“I didn’t.” Daniel placed his hands on her shoulders. “October sounds perfect for a Thisby wedding.” He kissed her hair.

“Well, you heard it, Bud.” Hannah pulled back and nodded at her horse. “You better come back next year, do you hear me?” She hugged her horse one more time and then she curled her fingers around the hoops of her wheels. “Let’s go, Bud. It’s time for both of us to go home.” She rode towards the shore, her wheels slightly into the water while she and her horse exchanged one more glance. “If Richard’s horse doesn’t come back next year, we’ll ask him if he wants to race you, okay?”

Bud walked slowly into the sea. He looked at Hannah a few more times and then he started to walk faster and faster until he wasn’t running anymore but swimming.

Hannah had a smile on her face while she watched him disappear. She wasn’t just carrying Thisby with her wherever she went. She also carried Bud with her.

It didn’t matter how far away from her he was. It didn’t matter that they wouldn’t see each other for eleven months. It didn’t matter that someone else raced him.

She and Bud were linked, bound to each other until one of them would die. But it wouldn’t be next year, it couldn’t be next year, because Hannah had to get married first and Bud had to be the one to carry the rings to the altar.

“You’ll see him again in eleven months.” Daniel had his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stood behind her. “We’ll keep your mind busy with the whole wedding adventure. I’d think that be more than enough of a distraction, right?”

“I’ve got plenty of ideas already and I can’t wait to share them all with you.” Hannah reached for his hand once more. “I’m gonna ask Charlie to be my witness.”

“It would’ve been kinda weird if you’d asked anyone else.” Daniel squeezed her hand. “The ferry leaves tomorrow morning at eight. It’s time to go home.”

Home. Home wasn’t just one place or one person. It was both Thisby and Scotland, both her family and Daniel. It was where she wanted to be, where she was happy and where she was loved.


End file.
